I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One
by Brook Noel, Pamela D. Blair
Average Customer Review:
Paperback (01 March, 2000)
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Reviews (40)

Very Helpful
Over the last year my family has lost many friends and loved ones.All but two were 18 or younger. My sister's boyfriend, Andrew not even a month after he turned 17 was killed in a still unsolved drowning "accident".My brother lost two good friends.One in an automobile accident and one in a motorcycle accident.I had a co-worker who passed at just 42 from a massive heart attack and also lost my Grandma suddenly.It has been a lot to bare.There has been a lot to try and explain.This book has given really great insights.These two women worked really hard to give us all something to help us better understand our grief.I don't think we will ever fully understand our grief, but this does give more information than I have found elsewhere.Also, our grief is treated with a delicacy that only other grievers of a sudden death would know.I would recommend this to anyone!

The guide that will pull you through
"I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye", by Noel & Blair is just beautiful!It is easy to read, yet covers everything a grieving person could possibly be thinking of or be going through.It is sensitive, yet realistic. (Sometimes those two don't go together well, but in this book they do.)The book is empowering and healing, but in baby steps.I think it is a book that will be a perfect for December's issue, when people who've recently lost someone are the most depressed and need help.

Pamela La Gioia
Your Life! Magazine

Nonsectarian Advice for Grieving from Unexpected Deaths
I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is the best non-religious book I have read on grieving from an unexpected death.

The authors have direct experience with the subject and share their own deep traumas in considerable detail that added to the relevance of the book.

They also sought out the stories of people who had experiences with unexpected death that were different from their own so that you would have specific examples that come closer to your own situation.

In my case, my Father was 87 when he unexpectedly passed away last September.We all thought that he was good for 100, but he died quietly in his sleep that night.Since then, we've all been in one stage of shell shock or another.I can hardly imagine how much worse it is when the person is younger . . . or is a child or sibling.My heart aches for anyone who has had those experiences.

I found the book to be "right on" in describing the issues that my family and I have dealt with.I wish I had known about the book before my Dad died.It would have helped even more then.

The book helps in many different ways.First, you get advice on the help you need immediately after the death.Second, you learn about the various ways that you may be affected.Third, you find out how long the effects may last.Mourning in these situations takes much longer than I realized.Fourth, you find out how to help others grieve.Fifth, you find many old beliefs questioned that don't seem to be true.Sixth, you get help with dealing over the long term.In part two, there are stories that relate to different types of sudden losses:a friend, a parent, a child, a partner, and a sibling.The third part deals with practical resources for recovering including self-help, therapy, exercises, organizations and support choices (including books).The appendix includes suggestions for a memorial service, a eulogy, calls that need to be made and things to ask friends to do.

In one helpful section of the book, an overwhelmed person can just hand the pages to a friend and point.The friend can take over from there.

Even if you don't think you will ever face an unexpected death that is close to you, I suggest you read this book.There's no way to know.When it happens, be sure that you know what to do when you aren't ready to say goodbye to a loved one.

I drew a lot of my comfort during the experience from my religious beliefs.If you haven't yet developed that side of your life, I strongly urge you to do so.

May God bless you!
... Read more

Isbn: 1891400274
Sales Rank: 1575
Subjects:  1. Bereavement    2. Death / Grief / Consolation    3. Death, Grief, Bereavement    4. Grief    5. Psychological aspects    6. Self-Help    7. Sudden death    8. Death & Dying    9. Recovery   

Conquering the Mysteries and Lies of Grief
by Sherry Russell
Average Customer Review:
Paperback (23 September, 2002)
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Reviews (49)

Short and excellent
I am a physician dealing with many diabetics. I have used this book, given it to my patients and recommended it to others. This book benefits my patients understanding of their emotions and offers solutions and direction. Don't mistake this book to be only about loss caused by death.

Packed with information
This short book is packed with tons of information and it speaks directly to your heart. It has really helped me and I wanted to pass the word.

INTERNATIONAL BESTSELLING BOOK ON GRIEF !!!!!
CONQUERING THE MYSTERIES AND LIES OF GRIEF was recently named #1 BESTSELLING BOOK ON GRIEF and for a very good reason!Ms. Russell has a unique talent for comforting those who mourn the loss of a loved one.Her words are magical (if you will) and soothe the heartbreak that goes along with losing someone you love.Anyone who is suffering should read this wonderful book.You'll be glad you did!!!!! ... Read more

Isbn: 1591297249
Sales Rank: 79487
Subjects:  1. Death / Grief / Consolation    2. Death, Grief, Bereavement    3. Self-Help   

Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson
by Mitch Albom
Average Customer Review:
Paperback (08 October, 2002)
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Editorial Review

This true story about the love between a spiritual mentor and his pupil has soared to the bestseller list for many reasons. For starters: it reminds us of the affection and gratitude that many of us still feel for the significant mentors of our past. It also plays out a fantasy many of us have entertained: what would it be like to look those people up again, tell them how much they meant to us, maybe even resume the mentorship? Plus, we meet Morrie Schwartz--a one of a kind professor, whom the author describes as looking like a cross between a biblical prophet and Christmas elf. And finally we are privy to intimate moments of Morrie's final days as he lies dying from a terminal illness. Even on his deathbed, this twinkling-eyed mensch manages to teach us all about living robustly and fully. Kudos to author and acclaimed sports columnist Mitch Albom for telling this universally touching story with such grace and humility. --Gail Hudson ... Read more

Reviews (1804)

Thoughtful and Unforgetable
This book is easy to read and avoids the usual preachiness that I find in "inspirational" type books. Those two reasons alone would have been enough for me to give this book a positive review. But beyond the general aesthetic reasons, I found myself thinking about things in this book during normal, every day chores. I would wake up the next morning, to remember that I had been dreaming about a particular thought that Morrie had discussed with Mitch. A book that can have this type of lasting effect on me is something special in my opinion.

Morrie talked with Mitch about a lot of things that I know are troubling to me. Dying is something that I've always been afraid of. It's an unknown entity in which I am entirely powerless over. This combined with my confusion of the entire God/Religion thing is enough to keep me wondering. Mitch captured Morrie's thoughts perfectly and most importantly, succinctly. Everybody knows we're going to die, but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently. Although Morrie was born a Jew, seldom did religion or the God thing come into conversation. Instead, he said things that just seemed to ring true for me. Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live. This particular quote sounded good but it wasn't until I heard Morrie's logic that the little bell went off in my head. Accepting that today is my last day of life, might make me less "ambitious," make me less caring about things that are pretty superficial like money, labels, and materialistic items. I thought about all of the stuff I would cut out of my life if I only had that one precious day left.

Each chapter (each visit) had a similar look and feel to them with Morrie sharing words of wisdom that seemed practical and common sense like. Both Mitch and I would take the time to reflect on his words, not because it was required but the thoughts invaded our consciousness, seeming to uncover many of those things that we wanted to bury for one purpose or another.

If you know anything about ALS, then you know that it is terminal and that Morrie dies. I wasn't expecting to be so sucked in by Morrie. I wasn't expecting the sadness I experienced during Mitch's last visit with Morrie. I think I was sad about how often we don't understand things until it's too late. Such is folly of human experience, of life.

This book is recommended for those who are on a soul-searching journey about (dare I say?) the meaning of life. It will definitely raise important questions. Another oddly compelling book I recently purchased off Amazon -- that I need to recommend is: "The Losers Club: Complete Restored Edition" by Richard Perez, a very entertaining soulful book, funny and sad -- another book I can't stop thinking about -- about the search of love and meaning in life.

Excellent & Brillant
Left a very deep impression on me. I had read both books by mitch albom but I prefer this book better than the `5 people you met in heaven`. This book teaches about life greatest lesson and everything. After reading this book, I truly felt enlightened. It makes me think that life is just about a ride. We will all die one day so itsn`t neccessary take everything into account of how much we have gained and how much we have lost. Like what a quote from Mr Morrie... `What`s wrong with being No.2`? Its definitely a book for everybody...

Extraordinary
A very moving story of Morrie Schwartz's life and his passing the torch to Mitch, with the hope that the lessons he's learned can be used by Mitch.

Very inspirational and the lessons that Morrie gives us are applicable to every one of us uniquely. ... Read more

Isbn: 076790592X
Subjects:  1. Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis    2. Biography    3. Biography / Autobiography    4. Case studies    5. Death    6. Death, Grief, Bereavement    7. Educators    8. Inspirational - General    9. Patients    10. Psychological aspects    11. Religion    12. Specific Groups - Special Needs    13. Teacher-student relationships    14. United States    15. Religion / Inspirational   

Not Fade Away
by Laurence Shames, Peter Barton
Average Customer Review:
Hardcover (20 September, 2003)
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Reviews (31)

I could not put this book down
I was walking through the book store and stumbled upon Not Fade Away. I am very thankful that Petter Barton was generous enough to write this book. I started the book and didn't move until I stopped the read. The book is most definitely worth reading , no matter your point in life. I think it would be a superb graduation gift to a young person. It disturbs me toread the small group of negative book reviews . How could anyone with a heart not thank Peter Barton and his family for sharing this journey.

some things aren't so clear cut
I have to say, I bought this somewhat expecting to be uplifted, and to gain some insight on life, death, dying.I'm not much for self-help type stuff, but the blurbs of a "life well lived" definitely appealed to me. I've always run full-tilt towards......whatever presented itself!Having just lost my dearest friend, and pooch, and being single in my early 30's (in LA, no less), heading home for T-day to take on aging grandparents with fading memory, crazy in-laws, etc.....
strangely enough, this was perfect for the plane ride back to LA.At times, I became a bit annoyed by the bad-boy swagger of Barton, yet I realized three hours into the flight that I had dog-eared more pages for later reference, insight, or raw truthfulness, than I normally do.If you can set aside a difference in lifestyles - because he truly lived a unique life - some of the insights and hindsights are truly raw and real.This is a strange book in that it's a good, easy read, with nuggets of wisdom that are absolutely blatant and brilliant.This seems to be someone who - maybe to some of his peers - didn't appreciate all that he had.Yet, reading this book, he clearly appreciated all the moments - good and bad, for what they were.And this book made me re-affirm my joy of leaving the airport and putting the top down on the car, cracking open a great bottle of wine, appreciating my neighbors:all things I do normally, but things I'll make sure never to take for granted.
Huh, not sure this is a good review, but it's the way the book made me feel.So, there you have it.It's good reading and good advising.Not so neatly wrapped up, but, maybe it's not supposed to be.

Why We Are Living
Peter Barton died of cancer at the age of fifty one.He and Lawrence Shamis have written a short book that describes his life changing battle with cancer and his struggle to accept death.

You come to know Peter and understand how his battle with cancer changed him.Peter is an experimenter, an adventurer, and an optimist.His story is worth reading for those trying to come to grips with why we are living. ... Read more

Isbn: 1579546889
Sales Rank: 125246
Subjects:  1. 1951-2002    2. Barton, Peter,    3. Biography    4. Biography & Autobiography    5. Biography / Autobiography    6. Biography/Autobiography    7. Cancer    8. Colorado    9. Death, Grief, Bereavement    10. Diseases - Cancer    11. General    12. Health    13. Patients    14. Specific Groups - General    15. Stomach    16. Stomach cancer    17. Biography & Autobiography / General   

Final Gifts : Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying
by MAGGIE CALLANAN, PATRICIA KELLEY
Average Customer Review:
Paperback (03 February, 1997)
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Reviews (63)

Understanding is key
I wish I had purchased and read this book before the death of my Mother.It would have helped me understand so much of what she was trying to communicate, both during her long-term illness and during the dying process.

I purchased this book several months after her death, and have read it several times.It has been such a comfort to me to be able to understand many of the things that I had questions about, but nobody seemed to either be able to answer them or want to talk about it. I have since recommended this book many many times to others going through the grieving process.

A MUST-READ for those dealing with a terminal illness...
My family was ever-so fortunate to have Maggie Callanan as the hospice nurse for our father, when he was dying of Stomach Cancer back in 1993. At the time, we were introduced to Maggie via a Catholic Priest who had worked with Maggie in a Hospice facility, and thought the world of her. Maggie's words of wisdom to us in person, and through her book 'Final Gifts' helped us to understand and to appreciate the process of dying, and indeed the gifts of love that it can bring, so long as you are looking for the right signs.Since my father's death, I have given 'Final Gifts' to numerous people, who all agree that it was helpful as well as healing.

Christians Beware
Most of the other reviewers indicated how hopeful the book made them feel.I admit that it would make everyone feel good about death.However, Christians who may be thinking of buying this book for a loved one should be aware that this book strongly implies that it makes no difference what you believe... life after death is a wonderful experience for all.The book gives examples of atheists, Hindus and other non-Christians having Near Death Awareness experiences that are wonderful and loving.The danger in this is that a dying person would have no reason to come to Christ and be saved if he or she is led to believe that it makes no difference what one believes.I am commenting on this aspect of the book because I did not see that anyone else mentioned it and I think people should be aware of this before deciding whether to purchase the book. ... Read more

Isbn: 0553378767
Sales Rank: 2930
Subjects:  1. Death    2. Death / Grief / Consolation    3. Death, Grief, Bereavement    4. Emotions    5. Family relationships    6. Psychological aspects    7. Psychology    8. Terminal Care    9. Terminally ill    10. Family & Relationships / Death, Grief, Bereavement   

How to Survive the Loss of a Love
by Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield, Melba Colgrove
Average Customer Review:
Mass Market Paperback (01 October, 1993)
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Reviews (86)

Bad break up? This too shall pass
I read this book years ago and really found it helpful.It's much better for breakups and divorces than it is for coping with the death of a loved one. Practical and timeless advice.Comforting concepts broken up into small readable passages so as not to overwhelm the grieving individuals.I tend to like most of the stuff out there that this author has written (see also my review of "Do It").One thing that I really genuinely like about this author is that he isn't in it for the money.Seriously.If you go to his website (which I can't list due to rules but you can google yourself) you'll find that all of his books are online in their entirety for free.That's right, you can read them online gratis.I definitely recommend purchasing them though because they are quite good.I've given this one to a few people who went through some awful breakups and they seemed comforted by it. Trust me: this book, a pint of ice cream, and box of tissues just might do the trick for the grieved parties out there.It gives you hope.

A Must Have For Anyone Suffering A Loss
This book is a must-have for anyone who is suffering a loss of any kind. I have used it three times since I bought it 8 years ago, and I gave copies to numerous people who were suffering losses, and all of us agree...we couldn't have gotten along without it. The mix of step-by-step advice is very easy to follow, and the poetry really hits home. And whatever you do, once you buy it, don't get rid of it....you'll be surprised how useful this book is for the rest of your life.

This book is what's keeping me sane right this moment
I consider myself very lucky to have found a copy of it.. It is really really helpful, trust me. I don't think "I will run out of poems before I run out of pain" as long as I can read the poems in this book. Highly recommended. ... Read more

Isbn: 0931580439
Sales Rank: 2578
Subjects:  1. Death, Grief, Bereavement    2. Grief    3. Interpersonal Relations    4. Joy and sorrow    5. Loss (Psychology)    6. Mental Health    7. Psychology    8. Self-Help   

Good Grief: A Constructive Approach to the Problem of Loss
by Granger E. Westberg
Average Customer Review:
Paperback (01 June, 1979)
list price: $4.99 -- our price: $4.99
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Reviews (17)

Much too simplistic
I was extremely disappointed with this book. Although it can be read in 15 minutes, it is basically an outline of the stages of grief with no substancial advice on how to deal with each stage other than to let you know it is a normal process.

Excellent, Classic Book
Good Grief has stood the test of time because it is a wonderful, quick, easy read for those who are going through terribly difficult times.The most valuable thing about it, in my opinion, is how it explains the stages of the grief process.It helps the reader know that they are not alone during dark times and that the emotions they experience are completely normal.As a pastor, I have given this book to many people who are dealing with death and divorce. I highly recommend it.

Gene Jennings, Author of Timely Words

OUTSTANDING!
An outstanding book that has sold millions of copies.I've given it to many family members and friends for various grief situations.It's an easy read and the content is great.My only complaint is the morbid cover.Years ago, it had a much more uplifting cover design with refreshing colors.This is an important issue for gift-giving ... when someone receives the book, they should get the sense that they'll feel better after they read it (instead of more depressed). ... Read more

Isbn: 0800611144
Sales Rank: 11636
Subjects:  1. Consolation    2. Death / Grief / Consolation    3. Death, Grief, Bereavement    4. Family & Relationships    5. Family/Marriage    6. Grief    7. Joy and sorrow    8. Large type books   

The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying: The Spiritual Classic & International Bestseller; Revised and Updated Edition
by Sogyal Rinpoche, Patrick D. Gaffney, Andrew Harvey
Average Customer Review:
Paperback (22 April, 1994)
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Editorial Review

In 1927, Walter Evans-Wentz published his translation of an obscure Tibetan Nyingma text and called it the Tibetan Book of the Dead. Popular Tibetan teacher Sogyal Rinpoche has transformed that ancient text, conveying a perennial philosophy that is at once religious, scientific, and practical. Through extraordinary anecdotes and stories from religious traditions East and West, Rinpoche introduces the reader to the fundamentals of Tibetan Buddhism, moving gradually to the topics of death and dying. Death turns out to be less of a crisis and more of an opportunity. Concepts such as reincarnation, karma, and bardo and practices such as meditation, tonglen, and phowa teach us how to face death constructively. As a result, life becomes much richer. Like Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Sogyal Rinpoche opens the door to a full experience of death. It is up to the reader to walk through. --Brian Bruya ... Read more

Reviews (65)

Entering a new realm...
I consider this book a new awakening.What you know is changed by the books you read and this book is that essence.To consider the afterlife is one step, and to accept what others note about the afterlife is part of the second step.To provide the depth that Sogyal does is rewarding to the reader.I felt as if I was going through the stages Sogyal mentions.Although long, I felt as if the reading engaged me and led to me wanting to know what was next.Recommended...

My Favorite Book
This is the best book on Tibetan Buddhism I have ever read. It introduces the Western reader to all of the foundational tenets in Tibetan Buddhism - impermanence, compassion, karma, etc.
Having subsequently read numerous Tibetan Buddhist texts, I still recommend this book first to anyone interested in the topic.
It is traditionally authentic and simultaneously oriented specifically to the Western reader - this is due to the fact that Rinpoche is a Tibetan master that started out as a Tibetan-English translator for the great masters of the 1970s and 1980's and he has lived in the West and taught Buddhism to Westerners for decades.

A Deeper Meaning to Meditation & Aid In Dying



I have found this a substantial book, one of valuable information, worth the time invested. I am not a person of formulas, recognizing the ambiguity in existence, differentiating from stagnation in frozen logic in blue prints of absolutes and that of relativity, which dwells in values but with the ability to adjust in flexible variations according to the particular and continually changing positions. And yet here is a formula, however I put a degree of value in such as to other sources that in relative ways confirm this. First, the fact that near-death experiences from both patients and doctors, both Eastern and Western, have similar relational interpretations to this book appears to confirm it's value, as opposed to formulas based on mere speculation.. I would like to cite its antiquity and that of my admiration for Buddhist concepts, but that is speculative and such arguments are used in many erroneous concepts which support contradicting teachings. However, along with near-death experiences, there are also the recorded experiences of psychedelic plant users, both observed objectively and experienced subjectively, which appear to conform to much of the bardos written about in the Tibetan Book of the Dead. The Doctors Timothy Leary, Richard Albert and Ralph Metzler had also connected such experiences with this and in their book, The Psychedelic Experience, along with various other intellectuals, spiritual and divinity students, psychologists and various other students in the discovery of the mind. And third, the application which Sogyal Rionpoche has given to the different bardos applied to the processes of sleep and dreaming and that of the thought process itself in human thinking, I think brings forth much value to this writing, to be taken in serious considerations, within degrees of course. So with these three factors, I find this book extremely enlightening and beneficial for the studies in science, spirituality and anthropomorphic interpretations on the death experience.

This book reveals the Tibetan guru disciple culture, far apart from charlatan practices of religious cults so prevalent in Western culture. This guru-disciple relationship is crucial in the Tibetan culture, joined in with years of spiritual practice in meditation and mind recognition comparable to western psychology that emulates Eastern Buddhist thinking. Sogyal Rinpoche writes of the impermanence of human life and how death is so crucially important as a part of life and the denial of such in the Western culture. His analysis of the nature of the mind, the Rigpa, and different meditative methods, mantras, objects, posture & etc., of bringing the mind back home, out from its habitual karmic thoughts into the "gaps" or spaces between thoughts into the true nature of the mind, the silent unchanging pure awareness of true self behind all thoughts, the delicate balance and paradox of relaxation and awareness.

In this, there is karma, the laws of cause and effect based on both individual and collective intentions which result in actions, the intensions or motivations behind them as their strength and how karmic creativity determines how we as artists dance to life in either positive or negative thoughts. It is here we must take full responsibility as this will determine our future lives and habitual thinking.

The first bardo is birth, the second is one's lifetime from childhood through adulthood, the third is the moment before death, the fourth begins the clear light of pure consciousness in the journey in death and beginning of a series of opportunities for the soul or consciousness that is departing the body. If the soul recognizes the clear light it becomes free from the karmic wheel with no more need to incarnate. In the fifth bardo the clear becomes dull and one encounters the peaceful and wrathful gods of desire and aversion. The sixth bardo is that of reincarnation, the opportunities have been missed and the soul must be physically reborn.

In the bardo of dying we loose all habitual perceptions and obtain a momentary glimpse of naked consciousness, the Ground Luminosity. However only experienced meditators, or those that have achieved degrees of mental awareness in the gaps beyond habitual thought of grasping and aversion during their life will even recognize this, for the rest it is as though we are unconscious and never become aware to this, the opportunity is lost. We then enter in the bardo of dharmata, also a fleeting and momentary glimpse, of our energy body with dazzling array of colors and patterns. There are instructions as to what the various colors mean and actions to take, which points to our attachments of grasping and aversions and fears. Most of us also are anaware of what is happening and enter into the bardo of becoming, where we exist as a mental body. It is here we are extremely vulnerable to our thoughts, where our life training determines how we think and what happens to us. One positive thought can immediately send us to bliss, one negative to hell. We can witness our bodies, other people and roam about. We can deny we are dead, are hungry thinking we have a body, where incense or smoke can act as pleasures to whatever sense is still remaining as a mental body.

There are the practices of tonglen and phowa, consisting of mental visualizations and mantras for ourselves, the dead and all sentient beings. There are the methods of increasing compassion and the definition of what that really means.Sogyal instructs us not only how to die, but how to help others that are dying, the relatives and those who wish to help those dying and those who have already died. Sogyal also goes into the near death experiences as written about by Raymond Moody and Kenneth Ring and the thoughts on dying of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

I particularly enjoyed how Sogyal compares the processes of the bardos as the same processes in our thinking we do every day, as well as the process of sleeping and dreaming we also perform daily. At the culmination of the process of dying, we experience the Dharmakaya, after the dissolution of elements, senses, and thought-states, the ultimate nature of the mind, the Ground Luminosity, is for a moment laid bare. We are empty, perceive the unconditioned truth. Then we experience the fleeting nature of energy in bardo of dharmata, the Samhogakaya, displayed in colors, sounds and lights, the dimension of complete enjoyment beyond dualism and space and time. And then we awaken in the bardo of the becoming, the Nirmanakay, as we attach ourselves again to our habits of thinking, clinging to our illusionary perceptions as real and solid when in reality it is only our mind, not external reality. Much of this occurs in certain degrees when we sleep and when we think. Like the Ground Luminosity, unaware we enter into a gap, the Rigpa where thoughts arise. If we are aware, we can let the thoughts go and rest in awareness. Yet, it is here, simliar to existing in the bardo of becoming, where most of us then cling, grasp and attach to the thoughts produced, carrying us into mental and conceptual activity.

Sogyal also goes into science and physics comparing thoughts of David Bohm, which I found truly enlightening and substantial in the ideas endorsed in this book and the teachings of Tibetan Buddhism in general. This book has much more information that cannot be all explained in a short review. I was pleasantly surprised at how well Sogyal Rinpoche conveyed his subject and I found this book wonderful in the spiritual exploration of the mind, meditation and ultimately the realm of death and our preparation for it. ... Read more

Isbn: 0062508342
Subjects:  1. Buddhism    2. Buddhism - General    3. China    4. Death    5. Death, Grief, Bereavement    6. Doctrines    7. Philosophy    8. Religion - World Religions    9. Religious aspects    10. Religious life    11. Self-Help    12. Tibet    13. Self-Help / Death, Grief, Bereavement   

Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief
by Martha W. Hickman
Average Customer Review:
Paperback (01 March, 1999)
list price: $10.00 -- our price: $7.50
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Reviews (31)

helps heal the pain, bit by bit, step by step, day by day
I was overcome with grief and this book helped me as no other book or support system did.What else can I say?

I read many books on grief and scanned the web for anything that could help me, but nothing helped me as much as the simple thoughts in this book.It is a small treasure in aworld where grief can have such a stranglehold on you that every breath you take feels laborious.


The book is broken down by days of the year - one page for each day (example: April 13).

Each day has a quote at the top of the page (usually from someone famous);
followed by an expansion upon that quote by the author of the book;
followed by a one or two line inspirational thought on the bottom of the page which gives one hope.

example of such an inspiration:
'Things other than my grief are going on in the world.Let me pay attention so I don't miss what could help me heal'


Grief comes in many forms.For me it was the loss of things dear to me....the grief causing pain as I have never known before. Aaahhhh.....


Yet,
with the help of this book,
the passage of time,
hanging on,
and having faith that I would come out on the other side of my grief

I survived.



If you are grief stricken this book can help.May it help you as it helped me.

If you know someone grief stricken buy this book for them.It can only help.

There is no quick magic cure for the grief stricken.The only cure (which will take time) is patience, loving remembrance, and faith - such as is written about in this book.

Working Through Grief Daily
Is anyone ever ready to lose a love one -- no matter the age or devastation of illness?I know I was not.My husband was and still is a most important person in my life.I felt totally disconnected when he died and still struggle with it daily.If not for this wonderful book of daily meditations, there are days when getting out of bed would have been more than I could do.6 months after Jack's death, I am now able to occasionally notice the lovely blue sky, hear the birds signing, and feel the sun on my face.My grief therapy is only effective in the slow healing of this grievous wound in my soul with the daily reminders in this compilation by Hickman and being encouraged to recall the wonderfulness of Jack, my husband, my best friend, my life love.

A light in a dark tunnel.
I lost my 21 year old cousin in a car accident last year.She was like my younger sister in my heart.It has been a very tragic and trying year for my entire family.This book has helped to give me some light in what has appeared to be a very long and dark tunnel.I have also purchased the book for my aunt, she lost her only child in this accident.I greatly recommend this book to anyone who has lost a loved one and needs help in getting through the tough times.The author truly feels what she is expressing in the pages of this book and does a great service to all she is helping by sharing her own loss with us. ... Read more

Isbn: 0380773384
Sales Rank: 2547
Subjects:  1. Bereavement    2. Christianity    3. Death / Grief / Consolation    4. Death, Grief, Bereavement    5. Devotional    6. Devotional calendars    7. Grief    8. Meditation    9. Meditations    10. Religious aspects    11. Self-Help    12. Self-Help / Meditations   

On Death and Dying
by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Average Customer Review:
Paperback (09 June, 1997)
list price: $13.95 -- our price: $11.16
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Reviews (27)

Good Starting Point
Bereavement:Counseling the Grieving throughout the Life Cycle is a compact little book that covers the basics of grief counseling.Author David A. Crenshaw Ph.D. presents his theory of the tasks of mourning that must be accomplished in order for the grieving individual to attain a healthy resolution to the loss.These tasks appear to owe an acknowledgement to the five stages of grief proposed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.Crenshaw goes on to apply his seven tasks to six identified life cycle stages:preschool children, school-age children, adolescents, young adults, adults in midlife, and the elderly, using abbreviated case histories as examples.
The book provides an overview of the grieving process and some basic suggestions for interventions with people in the various age groups.It does not, however, give the amount of in-depth information and hands-on detail that would be required to help a counselor develop proficiency in counseling the bereaved.In attempting to cover such a wide array of populations in a small book, Crenshaw sacrifices specificity.The longest chapter is devoted to the preschool aged child with the main thrust of his recommendations being monologues that the counselor delivers to the child.He only minimally mentions play therapy, arguably the most effective type of therapy for children in this age group.This reviewer finds the omission of play therapy techniques for the bereaved child to be the most serious lack in this book.
Bereavement is an interesting and highly readable book that gives some good basic information.The counselor interested in developing effective grief resolution therapy skills would do well to use this book as a starting point from which to begin building her skills and then follow it with more in-depth publications devoted to the specific population she is counseling.

Reviewed by:
Kathleen C. Higgins, M.S., LPC
Mental Health Counselor

The meaning of life is that it stops

Seminal classic.

There is no cure for birth or death save to enjoy the interval.
-- George Santayana

The question is can we really get the most out of this life without fully coming to terms with death especially our own death?

This groung breaking book brought home couple of points ..

Rather than wait till you are old are or diagnosed with something terminal it may make sense for all us to think of our own death now and then rather than living in denial about it and be shocked by it when it is imminent. Life is natural, so is death. In fact in some eastern religions (Tibetan Buddhism comes to mind) one is asked to meditate up on death to drive home the significance of impermanence of all things.

Another important point this book makes which I think the society, as a whole needs to pay attention is to let people die with as much dignity as possible. The current drama unfolding in the case of Terri Schiavo proves the point.Though no one can know for sure what she would want, the so called "culture of life" issue people keep bringing up to keep her alive is denying her a dignified death. Can you imagine anything more inhumane if she really wants to be let go in peace? I don't propose to know the solution, but we all need to put that living will in place.

An interesting empirical point this book makes is people who have religious beliefs as to what happens to them after death find have an easier time when the end comes. (I for one don't believe there is any after life after death and hence may need to better prepare myself to face death).

Would like to finish with these verses from Rubaiyat

There was the Door to which I found no Key:
There was the Veil through which I could not see:
Some little talk awhile of ME and THEE
There was--and then no more of THEE and ME

Much to Know
Having taken a graduate course in death and dying, I have always been curious about reading the Kubler-Ross in its full context.Most people with a minimal amount of psychology in their background are familar with the five stages of Dying, but there is so much more to the book.

The five stages of dying only comprise about 1/3 of the book.The rest of the book is composed of interviews with dying patients and an exploration of the cultural phobia of death.It is a real eye opening experience to see the lengths which people will go to avoid discussing death.Even members of the medical profession exercise some measure of avoidance.Their treatment of patients often involves sparse and impersonal contact with the dying patients and often times refusal to be honest.Kubler-Ross's research caused change through her study, making it known how the dying want to be treated.

"On Death and Dying" was the first work to study the process of dying.It still remains one of the landmark studies.It is certainly appropriate preparation for a reader who are nearing death as well as the family of the dying/dead. ... Read more

Isbn: 0684839385
Sales Rank: 1645
Subjects:  1. Death    2. Death / Grief / Consolation    3. Death, Grief, Bereavement    4. Family & Relationships    5. Family/Marriage    6. General    7. Psychological aspects    8. Psychology    9. Sociology - General    10. Terminally ill    11. Family & Relationships / Death, Grief, Bereavement   

A Grief Observed
by C. S. Lewis
Average Customer Review:
Paperback (05 February, 2001)
list price: $9.95 -- our price: $9.95
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Editorial Review

C.S. Lewis joined the human race when his wife, Joy Gresham, died of cancer. Lewis, the Oxford don whose Christian apologetics make it seem like he's got an answer for everything, experienced crushing doubt for the first time after his wife's tragic death. A Grief Observed contains his epigrammatic reflections on that period: "Your bid--for God or no God, for a good God or the Cosmic Sadist, for eternal life or nonentity--will not be serious if nothing much is staked on it. And you will never discover how serious it was until the stakes are raised horribly high," Lewis writes. "Nothing will shake a man--or at any rate a man like me--out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself." This is the book that inspired the film Shadowlands, but it is more wrenching, more revelatory, and more real than the movie. It is a beautiful and unflinchingly honest record of how even a stalwart believer can lose all sense of meaning in the universe, and how he can gradually regain his bearings. --Michael Joseph Gross ... Read more

Reviews (88)

Strikes deep.Strikes hard.
A Grief Observed is a journal C.S. Lewis kept immediately after the death of his wife.It is heart rending. It is frightening.It is more so if one has read any Lewis apologia prior.C.S. Lewis, a man so clear, so forthright in his beliefs, stumbles when that which he cherished most on earth is taken from him.As well he might.

But, Lewis concludes a rousing comeback when he realizes that the suffocation of loss eventually turns to the closeness the passing of time can create.When the stunning horror finally fades, we recommune with our loved one to produce a spiritual unity; a recognition of all we loved, not of all we lost.

Lewis points out that every human relationship ends in sorrow.But, in doing so, he charts a course for every mourner through the darkest nights into the light of day. 5 stars.

A master apologiststruggles to find God
By most accounts, CS Lewis is considered one of the top Christian apologists of the 20th century. This fact makes this book even more powerful than some of his others because even Lewis doubts his faith when faced with an extremely difficult situation, the death of his wife. Also, this book shows a much more personal side to Lewis as he struggles to find God and answers to his questions.

This book is somewhat difficult to read for two reasons. First, the subject is tough. I cannot a harder to discuss the death of a loved one, especially a spouse. Second, the book is based on a journal that Lewis kept which means that the text is not as tight as some of his other books. Oddly enough, these two facts actually make the book stronger than some of his other works.

The reader gains deep insight into the soul of Lewis as he seeks God for answers. This is more than just an intellectual exercise. Lewis exposes his emotions in a way that is authentic and real - his writing comes across as very honest. Although I have never lost someone close to me I certainly can appreciate the pain that Lewis experienced. As a Christian I am definitely encouraged that someone with a faith as strong as Lewis experienced doubt, but in the end found his way back to God.

I highly recommend this book, especially since it shows a side to Lewis that you will not find in his other books. Also, it could minister to you, or others who have lost a loved one.

A Realistic and Touching Look at Grief
When suffering from grief who better to place your heart with than C.S. Lewis, the master at heartfelt emotions and faith.

C.S. Lewis wrote this little book during the process of grieving for his beloved wife, Joy. He brings his raw emotions forward and shares the act of grief in a very human and profound message. Showing a variety of emotions he spans the process of mourning and makes the act appear "normal" even when the slightest steps of self-care become a chore. Lewis braves the unthinkable and questions a God that allows despair and refuses to comfort the one left behind. Few would voice this common feeling but Lewis goes beyond simply voicing his doubt and eventually unravels the mystery of faith during the most horrible of times. Jesus Christ even experienced this desolate feeling crying out to God as he hung dying on the cross....so if He must go through such a bitter process why would the average human being expect any different? Realizing this places a perspective on the pain and allows us to stop questioning whether death and loss arrives in a package entirely explainable. It happens at exactly the right time for the one who passes and we must learn to accept this despite our lack of understanding. As Lewis writes so eloquently, "Fate (or whatever it is) delights to produce a great capacity and then frustrate it."

Lewis takes standard thought processes and analyzes the theories behind their meaning and by doing so he helps the grieving process immensely. Hearing how our beloveds are with God causes one to ask, were they not "with God" before they died? And all those prayers said at bedsides and funerals, some with "miracles" attached and others seemingly lost actions are examined by Lewis as a process of torment by God, at once gracious only to prepare another torture in the end. Lewis reveals his anger towards God in hopes of leading to a deeper understanding of what faith really means. Grief becomes an act of desperation according to Lewis and seeing through tears often leads to blurred vision. Grief is merely fear incarnated. Ultimately it is through the observance of the dying that we discover the definitive peace and eventually find solace in faith.
... Read more

Isbn: 0060652381
Subjects:  1. Bereavement    2. Christianity    3. Christianity - Christian Life - Family Relationships    4. Christianity - Literature    5. Consolation    6. Davidman, Joy    7. Death, Grief, Bereavement    8. General    9. Religion    10. Religion - Classic Works    11. Religious aspects    12. Lewis, C. S    13. Religion / General   

How We Die : Reflections on Life's Final Chapter
by SHERWIN B. NULAND
Average Customer Review:
Paperback (15 January, 1995)
list price: $14.00 -- our price: $11.20
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Reviews (44)

Hauntingly relevant
Though I haven't picked up Nuland's book in several years, the recent circus surrounding Terri Schiavo's plight led me to track down any discussion of it.

It ought to be a primer for anyone asserting his or herself into the actual decision-making process with regard to how Ms. Schiavo is handled from this point forward -- if for no other reason, to not only dispel the myths about "painful starvation," but to shed light on the horrendous reality she has suffered for almost 15 years.

If Nuland had an opportunity to evaluate the Schiavo case, surely he'd consider a sequel.

If only.

More Philosophy than Medicine--Highly Recommended
Dr. Nuland has paid the price to achieve not only medical skills but a uniquely learned voice--his erudition and education makes this work a classic of philosophy.I was fascinated from start to finish by his interweaving of modern science and time-honored insights.He highlights the fact that the advance of science cannot bring comfort by itself but must be used with wisdom and an understanding of the purpose of life.

The book is an argument that mankind's time on earth is naturally limited and that the efforts of science to extend life sometimes miss the point.Dr. Nuland does not even spare himself in criticizing some of the excesses of modern medicine.Quite simply, he argues that there is a fate worse than death itself--that often the additional time purchased by science comes at a fearful cost.

However, Dr. Nuland is no Luddite--he does acknowledge the improvements that medical science has provided.But in discussing death by way of various case histories and personal experiences, Dr. Nuland hopes that we come to appreciate that death has a purpose and importance that when understood will lessen our fear and increase our appreciation for the gift of life.We are all alike subject to death and whether by a random accident, untimely disease or simply old age, the results are the same and must be confronted by all.

Fascinating, compelling, one of my all-time favorites
I cannot say enough good things about this book. It's one of my favorite books of all time. Of course, I'm a bit odd in that I find medical topics and CSI-type stuff fascinating. Beautifully weaves a variety of information in a logical style to explain everyday things such as why some older people have swollen ankles and what it says about their overall health. Perfect for anyone who likes problem-solving, diagnosing illnesses, and learning unusual tidbits along the way... ... Read more

Isbn: 0679742441
Sales Rank: 5645
Subjects:  1. Death    2. Death, Grief, Bereavement    3. General    4. Health/Fitness    5. Sociology    6. Medical / General